House Rules: An Example
House rules: I truly believe that every family should have a set of house rules that apply to all children. Obviously these rules will change as the children get older and, to some extent, will often have to be negotiated with each individual. The basis of these rules must be the underlying love and protection the parents will want to render towards their children with the knowledge that the world cares less about the children’s emotional and physical wellbeing and more about what it can force down via advertisements, internet information, and an overload of “content”. So here are some examples that might be helpful to guide parents not knowing where to begin. The younger the child, the better. This example was set up for a single parent with a teenage boy of 14 who suddenly became aggressive, spent most of his time in his bedroom, and refused to study.
As a matter of interest, the mother reported a significant improvement in her son’s behaviour. Knowing that your mother loves you even through a demonstration of house rules has a dramatic effect on confidence and performance.
Advice to the mother:
Have your child sit down and say to him that you love him, respect him and have his dreams and preferences at heart, but in order for both of you to build a sound, safe, and happy close family especially where you are a single caretaker, he must help and support you by adhering to the house rules.
Your motto: My house, my rules.
Exercise: Non-negotiable. Agree on a choice of sport and a suitable program.
Daily shower: Non-negotiable.
17:00 - 20:00: Spend time with mother in the living room.
Sick days: Stay in bed. Mother should take the laptop to work with her, so no access to the internet. If you are sick, your body and mind should rest.
After 20:00: No laptop. Mother should limit access to the internet - especially regarding age-appropriate information.
Chores:
Cleaning and support responsibilities in the house should be clearly set out and monitored.
Set a chart against the wall. Any defaulting should be rewarded with a -5% deduction of monthly pocket money.
A bonus 5% applies for a clean weekly chart.
Mornings: No argument about getting up and ready every morning.
Socials:
Alcohol: No attendance at any functions at friend’s houses where alcohol will be served.
In case mom is not comfortable with a specific friend’s home setup, then sleep-overs are not allowed.
No vaping or smoking.
“Kissing is no sin” as my grandmother used to say but no sex. Call it by its name please and discuss all implications with your child.
Church: Attending church with the mother is non-negotiable.
School: Study hours should be fixed and adhered to.
The importance of discipline
Not disciplining your child at five will show at 15. It won't be funny then.
At five, their defiance is a "cute story." A tantrum in the grocery aisle because they want a candy bar. You laugh it off, give in, and tell your friends about your "strong-willed child."
At fifteen, that "strong will" is a door slammed in your face. It's a screamed, "I hate you," because you asked them where they were going. It’s a fist through a bedroom wall. It's not a cute story anymore. The seeds of teenage entitlement, disrespect, and rebellion are sown in the soil of a childhood where boundaries were suggestions, not rules.
Let's be brutally honest: you're not being a "gentle parent." You're being a scared one. Scared they won't like you. Scared of the temporary tantrum. Scared of repeating the mistakes your own parents made. But your fear of their temporary discomfort is creating a permanent weakness in their character. A friend wants to be liked. A parent has the courage to be disliked today, to be loved and respected for a lifetime. A friend avoids conflict. A parent knows conflict is where character is forged. A friend gives a child what they want. A parent teaches a child what they must earn.
A child with no boundaries doesn't feel free; they feel lost. They are a ship without an anchor, tossed around by every impulse, secretly terrified that no one is strong enough to take the helm. You think you're giving them friendship. What they need is leadership. Your child will have many friends. They only get one father, one mother. Your job is not to be popular in your own home. It is to build a human being capable of self-control, resilience, and respect.
Discipline is not punishment. It is the highest form of love. It's the armor you give your children for a world that will not be their friend. Be a parent, not a friend. Love them enough to say no.
