Dr Fourie’s General Parenting Advice
Say “NO”!
By: Dr Pieter Fourie
Dear parents, mothers, fathers, teachers and caretakers – Please say “NO”!
Toddlers
Say no when throwing a tantrum
When touching something dangerous
When wanting something in the shop
When refusing to go to bed
When taking things off a counter
When refusing to get out of the bath
Preschool
Say no to walking around while eating
Watching television all day long
Demanding food that’s not on the table
Demanding a toy or sweets in the shop
Refusing to tidy up their room
Playing in a dangerous area
Primary school
Say no to extra screen time
To sleep out with friends whose parents you do not know
Say no to late night playing outside
Say no to violent video games
High heel shoes and risky skirts
Say no to swearing and bad jokes
High school
Say no to tattoos and belly rings
To short-short jeans and risky tops
Say no to smoking and drugs
Say no to alcoholic drinks
Say no to age-restricted videos
Open parties and bars
College/University
Say no to too much pocket money
Weekends with friends you do not trust
Driving without a license
Drinking and driving
Say no to traveling alone late at night
Say no to bribes and cheating
Let your “NO” come from your mind – but motivated by your heart.
“Modern Parenting”
By: Dr Pieter Fourie
“Modern parenting” sounds great until a kid who’s never heard the word no tries to negotiate their way out of consequences. Parents are often obsessed with being their child’s “safe place” that somewhere along the way, they stop being their parents and start acting like their PR teams.
Kids often talk back, have melt-downs, and refuse simple tasks and instead of teaching them emotional regulation, parents often diagnose, excuse or tiptoe around then because they’re afraid of being ‘too harsh’.
However, the unfortunate truth is that when they’re not with their parents they won’t be treated with whispers, teacherts coddling their outbursts, or coaches tolerating their disrespect. Future bosses won’t be scheduling ‘emotional check-ins’. Children should be raised to feel their feelings while not crumbling at the slightest frustration.
Empathy and connection matters, it’s true, but boundaries should also matter, maybe more than anything. Real life has expectations, consequences, and will not bend around your child’s comfort. If you love your children you should teach them to be coachable, correctable, teachable, and respectful, even if they’re upset.
Being gentle with your child is fine, being present is beautiful, but parenting means standing your ground even when your child resents you for it. The real world will continuously test your child and therefore home should be where they learn how to pass that test, not where they learn how to dodge it.